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Sermão ao salmão do rei Salomão

— "Sushi"? — indagou o curioso monarca.
— Não, "Sasha", magestade — respondeu-lhe o peixe deixando escapar um rubor ainda mais rosado do que lhe era habitual.
— "Majestade", leva jota — corrigiu realeza.
— Assim seja.
— É mesmo!

Um inusitado silêncio gritou no salmão, aliás, no salão de audiências. Ainda hoje se comenta que nunca o rei Salmão, aliás, Salomão se deixara assim levar pela nervoseira. Há até quem garanta que a impiedosa ordem lhe saiu com gaguez:

— Sushi!
— Sas... — ainda tentaria corrigir o orgulhoso salmão.

Mas de nada nos vale insistirmos: por alguma razão, aqueles dois colidiam mesmo.

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19 kinds of girls who bruise my soul

By João Lopes Marques (Eesti keeles)


There was a time, not too long ago, I believed I had become a misogynous guy. False. I wasn’t. Then I started fearing I was slightly gynophobic. Nope. I was just afraid to bump into another stupid girl. It wasn’t easy to understand it but 10 or 15 years later I realize I’m just too sensitive to 19 specific species of women. Indeed, I can even turn intolerant in presence of one of them. Such a phenomenon can be either personal taste or old trauma, I know. However, I don’t care anymore. I just confess the following kind of females have the power to bruise my soul:


1- The hologram girl

You think everything is fine, that that closeness is real, and you stretch your arm. Of course you wanted more and she let you play that game. For a week. A month. Sometimes even for years. Helàs! Now you understand you were living in a dream. “Why did she give me so many wrong signs”, you wonder; “João, I’ve seen you always as a very good friend”, she states.


2- The drink-…